Lessons my AVM has taught me - Letting go

So lets face it;  I could spend all day, almost every day telling you how horrible it is waiting for my head to explode.  How debilitating the side effects from radiation are. How expensive my seizure medication is ect, ect. But I won't.  Instead I will tell you the life lessons I am learning along the way.

While watching my children wait for their school bus this morning, from the comfort of my kitchen coffee in hand, I was reflecting on how I have evolved as a parent this past year.

I don't think I ever classified myself as a helicopter parent, always hovering about to protect them from danger, but I am very aware.  I admit I tend to remind them a little too often to be careful, slow down and I have always been an arms length away at the playground.  I referred to myself as "the Unfun Mom" this past summer  when I heard one too many times, from another Mother's child, "awe but we are just trying to have fun."  I want my children to explore, challenge themselves and have tons of fun - while carefully weighing the pro and cons of their actions.  We have had broken ankles, noses and many bruises so I felt justified.

This morning D asked to go outside and play in the snow a half an hour before the bus was due to arrive.  It was barely light out but away she went, fearlessly.  Last winter I would have cautioned her about not getting too wet before the bus came, pointed out the obvious lack of light, cautioned her of strangers, animals, traffic and being buried alive in the snow (???).  Today I kissed her goodbye and sent her on her way.  Her siblings slowly straggled after her.  She was joined by the three girls down the road.  I watched them collectively climb the giant snow banks, roll snow balls and have a fantastic time all before 8am.

I am slowly learning to let go a little.  To live moment to moment.  I don't have to have a detailed plan for everything life event.  At first I felt guilty.  Like I wasn't engaged enough.  That my AVM exhaustion was now making me a "bad" parent.  However, while watching these three amazing children play I had a light bulb moment.

Our children are resilient, smart and amazing because we gave them the tools to be so.  Now it's time for us to step back and let them figure things out for themselves a little more.  If they don't have the freedom to take risks and make mistakes how will they learn from them?  I trust them and they will always have us for back up.

One more thing I know to be true... It's okay to eat cookies for supper occasionally:)

Sending you happy thoughts from the hill..

Steph