June Highlights

So it isn't a secret to most that I was not looking forward to the month of June.

June tends to be rather busy here and every other household who has school age children.
I have personally been dreading it since about April.
Why schools pack in every possible opportunity into the last four weeks baffles me. 
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad our children have gotten to experience so many wonderful class trips and extra special days but why not try spreading them out through the year. 
We can fly kites in October.  Visit Ottawa in May.  Make scrapbooks all year long.

But look here it is the end of the month and we all survived.
John knew it was possible and I need to learn to never doubt him.
I will be starting July in spoon deprivation but I am optimistic.
I can now release the breath I have been holding.

Here are our highlights...

  

Building BLACKberry Fields and John Black Carpentry

Amy preforms in the Heritage Ballet Spring Recital

Dana at her first Track and Field Meet in Haliburton

Amy and Brenden receive their brown belts in Karate 

Amy on the low ropes at Pinecrest YMCA camp

Brenden visits our nations capital

Dana visits Settlers Village

Brenden Graduates the DARE program at JDHES

Amy Graduates grade 8 from JDHES

Dana's last day ever at SBES

This family welcomes the summer holidays...

PS if you are not familar with The Spoon Theory click the link above.  It will help you understand what it really feels like to live with an invisible illness.

The story we tell ourselves...

"We are each the story we tell ourselves."
I'm not sure when I first heard that sentence but it rings true to me in so many ways.
If a person tells them self the same mantra over and over again,
it becomes their truth and the story they tell others.
If I tell myself I am ill then I live like I am ill.
If I tell myself to live to the best of my ability,
I have a much more positive outlook each day.

I remember much of my past and I am living my present.
Sometimes I am told stories of my youth by others.
I always find it interesting to listen to their recollection of shared experiences.
Our different perceptions of childhood and high school.
I am lucky because John shares many of my memories.
If someone makes a statement that doesn't mesh with my memory,
John can often fill in the holes or help clarify their personal spin.

As our daughter leaves behind elementary school and enters high school,
I am reminded of my own personal history and the transition from little to big.
Some friendships, that were important in public school, solidified in high school.
While others were left behind.  Some with regret and others with a sigh of relief.
Boys who once were coveted and fought over were forgotten.
Others boys, who were largely unnoticed or unknown, became exciting and intriguing. 
New friendships were forged based on common interests and beliefs.
Past problems and disagreements were largely forgotten for they no longer held relevance.

As I grew older and presumably wiser I began to treasure the people who were important to me.
People who treated me like my goals, dreams and beliefs were important to them.
I let go of the people who no longer felt connected to. Not with malice just a farewell.
I have been very blessed with so many wonderful friendships over my lifetime.
Some brief, some permanent but all important for the lessons they taught me.

I recently had dinner with some of my favourite families.
We each come from completely different places but connect perfectly.
Together we can laugh, talk, debate and genuinely enjoy each other.
Children, health, food, community and friendship bring and keep us together.
Each of us telling a similar story.

Balance - Stephanie VS The Monster

There is so much I want to do.  There is so much I need to do.
We are building our farm, BLACKberry Fields much quicker than I ever imagined. 
The timing was right and we have to go with it.
I am organizing and reorganizing a household with three very busy children.
The month of June has been absolutely insane.  Maybe thats why I feel like I am struggling so much.
I am trying to help John with his ever growing business, John Black Carpentry
I try but sometimes I'm not very successful or helpful.
When I work hard and complete tasks it gives me a great sense of accomplishment.
My soul and spirit needs that.  My sanity needs that.
After several days of success I can be guaranteed several days of forced rest.
Balance

My monster has its own, very different agenda.

It likes to keep me awake with a constant woosh in my head.
If it doesn't get my attention right away it only gets louder.
It limits the use of my right arm and sometime leg so even small tasks take so much longer.
At times it makes it difficult to read, focus or string a sentence together.
Sometimes I can hear a person talking but I don't comprehend the words or their meaning; as if they are speaking in a different language.
It is a constant dull ache on the left side and sharp stabbing pains the right side of my brain.
Just when I think the monster is at rest is rattles my body with a seizure or quite literally knocks me out for a few hours.
Balance

This week is my one year anniversary of Gamma Knife Surgery.  Yesterday I had another MRI to get some good images of the AVM/Monster.  We are looking to see if the edema has dissipated and at the integrity of the vessels running to and from the AVM.  Regardless of what the images show and the prognosis, I know how I feel.  I'm just looking for the balance.