Why me? Why not?

Looking back on the path I have chosen I would say I have led a pretty fantastic life so far. I am married to my “high school sweetheart” and together we share three wonderful children.  I am pleased with the decisions that have led me to where I am now.  Have I had moments of, “oh no, what have I done?” ABSOLUTELY!

Two years ago I impulsively quit a job I loved at a children’s resource centre. I adored the families that I interacted with daily.  I believed (and still do) that parents are a child’s first and best teacher.  It gave me tremendous joy to watch shy babies grow into confident toddlers; and nervous, exhausted parents become secure and enthusiastic about their new role.

So why did I leave?   At the time I confused myself and everyone around me.  I was becoming worried that I would no longer be able to connect to the families as my own children grew older.   I had always made families and their needs my top priority.   Management required me to spend more and more time behind the scenes, and I felt conflicted.  I was afraid of losing my passion.  It was just time.   For weeks I was certain I had made a huge mistake.  If it wasn’t for the patience and support of my husband, and close friend J, I would have continued to doubt my decision.

It is said that everything happens for a reason and I believe that is true.  I understand that now more than ever.  Leaving my job opened me up to new opportunities.  I have more free time to spend with my own children.  I have become more present when I am at home because I don’t have to fit in something that didn’t get done at work.  I have a new career that is equally fulfilling and extremely flexible. I have met wonderful new people that I may have never known.  I have broadened my education by taking Anatomy and Physiology courses that have helped me better understand my current condition and navigate my way through the medical community.

I have had many moments in the past six months where I have asked what I have done to deserve having an AVM.  Why do WE have to deal with this? If everything happens for a reason, what can the possible reason be? 

Slowly I am figuring it out…

• I can deal with this.  I am strong and confident.
• I am a great advocate for myself and others.
• I am an educator and I love sharing everything I know.  If I don’t know, I will find out.
• I live in a wonderful community filled with loving, caring neighbours, family and friends.
• I have three children who love me – no matter what.
• I have an amazing, supportive husband!  With him by my side we can do anything.

Why me? Why not?