Apathy

Apathy is defined as a lack of feeling, emotion, or interest. It is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as excitement, motivation, and/or passion.

It is also one of the most challenging things I struggle with daily. A lingering side effect of my brain injury. 

It is fleeting. I could be super excited to do, create or make something but when it... comes time to actually execute the plan I am stuck. I want to but I really can't. I am physically unable to carry though without support. I need a cheering section to keep me motivated and on task. My cheering section isn't often here.

Having a small working farm/homestead forces me to get out of bed everyday because I have animals waiting for me. They don't prevent me from returning to bed by noon though.

I use to be super excited about my perennial gardens. That is what actually prompted this post. I was looking at flowers on Pinterest.

I took pride in my extensive gardens and they were beautiful. Were is the key word. The last few years I just couldn't. I start, then I can't follow through. In the grand scheme of things on a farm, the perennial beds are very low priority. But they bring me joy.

I want to garden again. I love gardening. Alone. Without support by reluctant volunteers.

 

Maybe this year.